Roger Goodell is strongly considering leaving the NFL to be in charge of the NCAA and college football. “My penchant for arbitrary rules and arbitrary rulings will receive more support when applied to student athletes.” #satiresaturday
A high school football coach has been suspended for making his players practice in high heels. “My daughter said that they gave her calves a workout, so I figured it’d work on the field. I was just trying to give my players an edge,” he said in a statement. #satiresaturday #football #highschoolfootball #heels
“A beautiful naked blond jumps up and down” –Chapter 10 of The Memory Book, by Harry Lorayne and (NBA Hall of Famer and Ohio State grad) Jerry Lucas
“Everything with Dick [LeBeau] is mathematical in nature. The proper angles allow leverage on the route […] It was here where LeBeau was especially unpredictable.”
–Ron Jaworski, The Games That Changed the Game
When I taught at MTSU, I remember writing the above sentence on the board as a way of getting my class’ attention before teaching them what’s known as the Major system, a way of memorizing large numbers where 0-9 are converted to consonant sounds so that instead of learning a nonsensical string of digits, one is able to learn a word, phrase, or sentence, which would have a greater context and would thus be more likely to stick in one’s mind. I also remember a woman walking into my classroom because she left a book in their. She paused as she looked at the board, asked what it was about. I explained, she nodded curtly and said, “Very interesting. I’ll let you get back to your class. By the way, I teach Women’s Studies.”
As a college freshman in 1959, Lucas wrote a thank you letter to Harry Lorayne, a writer known for his appearances on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson where he would memorize the names of everyone in the audience. Lucas’ letter thanked Lorayne for his books which had helped him become a stronger student and thinker. Little did the two know that they’d collaborate on a book years later.
Harry Lorayne, Memory Master
Lucas’ freshman year at Ohio State would have coincided with Dick LeBeau’s senior year. It’s almost certain they would’ve crossed paths, even if it were just in passing. In fact, we know Lucas was so good that even Woody Hayes stuck around to watch his freshman games (this, of course, was when freshmen were ineligible to play varsity).
Now, just because they were at the same school at the same time for one year doesn’t mean Lucas shared Harry Lorayne’s memory techniques. If anything, Lucas would’ve shared them with his roommate, future Celtic Hall of Famer John Havlicek before anyone on the basketball team, let alone with any football players. But just as some ideas have a way of spreading through the ether, like how the cartoon Dennis the Menace debuted on the same day in two countries by writers who’d never heard of each other or each other’s work, it’s possible the two developed similar memory methods independent of one another.
Jerry Lucas, OSU
Tony Buzan, the Brit responsible for the World Memory Championships, says that contest is more of a contest of “creativity than memory.” It’s true; to memorize a deck of cards in a minute (actually the American record is less than a minute), you don’t need raw IQ power. You need a storehouse of creative images for each card (for an effective image list for each card check out Tim Ferriss’ The Four Hour Chef).
How do all these names tie into Dick LeBeau and the Titans? In his book The Games That Changed the Game, Ron Jaworski devotes an entire chapter to the creativity of LeBeau’s blitzes and his credentials as a Renaissance Man: “Sid Gillman asked a college math professor to help him apply geometry to determine where his receivers needed to be in San Diego’s pass offense […] LeBeau is so intelligent that he calculated his defenders’ angles all by himself.” Does this mean that LeBeau, this human Swiss army knife, knows how to memorize a deck of cards or a large group of numbers? Of course not. But Jaworski points out that LeBeau can “repair wristwatches, play guitar, and has a photographic memory” and can “recite verbatim the dialogue from his favorite film.” The depth of his knowledge and the creativity of his thinking suggests that he has independently come up with his own way of storing information. And it wouldn’t be surprising if it bared close resemblance to Lucas’ more formal system.
Dick LeBeau, Hall of Fame Player/Coach,
But here’s the point: we train our minds to be more efficient, to solve problems more easily, to remember more information quickly. Films and the USA Network make it seem as if an agile mind is the result of some quirk of nature more so than perfecting a specific aspect of mental fitness. But most often, it’s a result of rigorous thought exercise, just like the body. Are some people naturally able to retain a great deal of information? Probably so, just like some people naturally have abs in their 30s. But someone who’s trained well is going to have a more fit mind (or body) than someone who just possesses it naturally.
LeBeau is highly intelligent, but I think his intelligence springs from a creative, organized mind honed over years of developing a mental system of categorizing information. He’s devoted that mind to teaching football. He’s had success in Detroit, Cincinnati, and Pittsburgh. And even though he doesn’t have quite the same quality of players he had in those cities, he brings with him, not just a football mind, but an egoless attitude that’s contagious with both coaches and players. And as we know, scheme and culture can have almost as much to do with a player (or team’s) success than talent. In a game like football where so much is scripted, coaching counts for much.
Now, about the “beautiful naked blond [who] jumps up and down” it’s a way of remembering the number 91852719521639092112. There are other ways to memorize numbers, but the Major System, like a straight line to the quarterback, is most efficient. You assign a consonant sound to every number 0-9. It’s essentially an alphabet for numbers. Here’s how it’s laid out in nearly every reputable memory book:
0 = s or z
1= t or d
2 = n
3 = m
4 = r
5 = l
6 = j or ch or sh
7 = k
8 = f or v
9 = b or p
Remember, this goes by sound. So, for example, the first letter in “century” would begin with “0” because of the “soft c” sound whereas the word “cat” would begin with a “7” because of the “hard c” sound. Also, double letters count as one number, so the word “tummy” would be an acceptable way to memorize the number “13” because you’re counting consonant sounds, not actual consonants.
Now that you know how to memorize numbers, you can use your creativity to remember the contract figures of all the free agents that the Titans didn’t sign.
LeBeau in Action
“But he is always great when some great occasion is presented to him; no man can say he ever had a fit subject for his wit and did not then raise himself as high above the rest.” –John Dryden on Shakespeare
“I think him the most learned and judicious […] He managed his strength to more advantage than any who preceded him […] He was deeply conversant in the ancients.” –John Dryden on Ben Jonson
In 1998, Charles Woodson beat out Peyton Manning for the Heisman trophy, perhaps the most memorable trophy in American sports. Whether he should’ve won is always a fun sports argument. But he did win. That much is indisputable. After the Super Bowl, Woodson’s Michigan teammate beat out Peyton for another title, one much more ethereal and much, much less prestigious: the Best Quarterback of the 21st Century According to Nick Bush. For some reason, no one cares about that title, not even Nick Bush’s own family and friends.
As a lifelong Vol fan, I always made the argument that Manning was and is the greatest because he does more than any quarterback has ever done. When people say a player is a coach on the field, it’s a metaphor. What we mean when someone says that the player possesses enough knowledge and leadership that his teammates must listen when he tells them something during a game. But it’s still a metaphor–even when it comes to Brady. Make no mistake: Brady has freedom to change plays, but he’s not Belichick–he’s an extension of Belichick.
My argument for Manning has always been that when it comes to him, Coach on the Field is literal, not figurative. He runs the practices. Runs the practices. He’s had four head coaches and with the last three, he’s been in charge of the offensive practices! Think about that. He doesn’t call all his own plays, so he’s not a coordinator per se, but he is the only quarterback in the modern era where a team could go into a season without an offensive coordinator, and it wouldn’t be a practical problem (a philosophical one yes because you have to prepare for injuries and things of that nature). And is there any doubt that he’s the best receivers coach in the game? If Manning retired today and said he wanted to coach receivers, there’s not a head coach who wouldn’t accept that. Some wouldn’t make the switch because of loyalty but not because they think their guy would be better than Manning.
Yet with all that, Manning is not Brady. When you say Brady is better than Manning you’re saying that Brady is better at the game of football than Manning, which is true. If we’re talking about playing, yes. In “An Essay of Dramatic Posey,” John Dryden says Shakespeare’s better because he’s “the greater wit,” (wit meaning genius, not wit meaning witty) that we “admire” Jonson but “love Shakespeare.” And that’s the difference. I admire how Manning misses the season and you have to fire everybody, including the scouts because you realize that Manning was propping up your whole organization with his brilliance. That’s admirable. But Brady racing down the field after a great play to violently head butt his receivers like a Himalayan mountain goat fighting over territory–that’s loveable.
And yes, I love Manning the football player, too. And I think he may be more witty, more soulful, more engaging than we give him credit for, but those qualities don’t show up on the field like they do for Brady. And, as quarterbacks, that’s how they must be judged if we’re discussing them as football players. Similarly, Jonson may have been funnier, more witty, more passionate than Shakespeare in a private setting. But it doesn’t quite come across that way in his plays. And if we must discuss them as artists, we must first judge them by their art.
And I’m fine with that. Because to say one artist is more accomplished than the other, diminishes neither man. And for me to say that Brady has bested Manning in no way alters the fact that, I can look at my diploma, read that “University of Tennessee” lettering, and know that I appreciate Manning more.
An exec for GoDaddy.com sees Jerry’s act and asks him to help his advertising team write some jokes for their Super Bowl ad. As part of his payment, he gets free tickets to the big game. George has a new job and can’t risk asking for a day off. Elaine has gotten back together with Puddy, so she doesn’t want to go without him.
So Jerry & Kramer head to Arizona for the Seahawks vs Patriots game. Jerry is recognized by some celebrity friends and is asked to join them in their club level seating. Kramer goes with but has to take a different elevator. He gets lost & accidentally wanders into the Seahawks’ coaching box where he picks up a walkie talkie and starts playing with it.
Kramer: Can anyone hear me? Run an inside slant. West Coast offensive style.
Russell Wilson: A pass play? 2nd and Goal from the 1! We should run. The read option was made for this!
Kramer: I didn’t expect anyone to hear me? Pass on what I just said.
Russell Wilson: Coach, if you want us to pass, I will. *Turns off headset*
Kramer: I’m not the coach! I was just kidding! Hello? Hello?
*Ten Minutes Later*
Jerry: Kramer! Where have you been?! Did you see what just happened?
Kramer: Hey buddy, we gotta get outta here.
Jerry: Wh-Why?
Kramer: I think that interception might’ve been my fault.
Jerry: Don’t tell me…
Kramer: There was this room with a walkie talkie. I didn’t know it went straight to Russell Wilson’s headset!
Jerry: Yeah, we better go. And let’s not go back to the hotel. Just straight to the airport.
Katy, Brady, Lynch
sings, throws, runs–respectively
Super Bowl Sunday
#haikuthursday #superbowl #sb49 #football #footballku
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